when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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