I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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