She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
