i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
