guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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