Porn is love you can see.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
