hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
