morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
