I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
