he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?