I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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