He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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