i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me