I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument