wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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