she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.