And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart