Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
