May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.