For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
