Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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