last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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