Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
