Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
