I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
please come you make the beer taste better
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
