I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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