No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
