no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
