I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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