he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
