My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
