Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
