My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
