Nicole vs. Life
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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