Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
