I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.