he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dating After Heartbreak
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i think my cat just said my name.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.