if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
