At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
