so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
