How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
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