Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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