Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
