Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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