people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
