even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
