life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
