My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
