Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
