I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
