I think I won the penis lottery.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize