I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize