I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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