I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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