Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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