she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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