today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
