I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
handjob tips. give me some.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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