My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
