I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
