worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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