it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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