He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
