Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
