I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
