your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
