just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
