I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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