are you still at the devil's house?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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