I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
