If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
