I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I love having hate sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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