I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
