oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
