She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
