I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
