I am puke
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
