Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
