if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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