so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
