My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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