Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
