i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
